im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Floor bacon is actually really good
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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