You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
