i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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