New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
