tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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