I heard we made out
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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