when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
