i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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