you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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