I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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