Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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