I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
