the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
