my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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