I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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