it wasn't lemon gatorade
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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