I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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