girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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