I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
