I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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