i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
