dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
