Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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