Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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