glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
