If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
