Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
