I wish you could order shots online.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
