i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
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It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
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my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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