The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
