where am i from again
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
