I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
