Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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