$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
