you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
