Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
