remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
