I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Randomize
