apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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