so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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