i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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