I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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