Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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