The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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