I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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