rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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