I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
