Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
