he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize