I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
