found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
