if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
