i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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