After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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