I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
