I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
