It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We had to coat check the pizza.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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