I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
