You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
