Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
