I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
