Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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