last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm like, not good at living.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
