Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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