I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
