Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
