I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
