Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
