I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
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Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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