so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
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Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
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I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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