Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
