Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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