My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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