i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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