dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
