dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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