cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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