So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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